i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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