well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
