Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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