i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
