I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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