Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
