We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
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