i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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