he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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