wrigley field is MILF paradise
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
