i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
