It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
