Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
