we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
