My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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