My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
