GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
