I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
