I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
