I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
