I cockslap morals
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
