And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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