Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
