my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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