You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
