idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
