trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She bit a glass in half.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
