from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I wish i was in the wii world.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
