There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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