I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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