sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
