Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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