farters have to be the big spoon...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
