would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
