Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
