He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
