Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
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