Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Found your dick twin last night
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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