you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
