Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
