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Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
