I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
