What a fucking waste of an outfit
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Randomize
