Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
