Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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