We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
