what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
