Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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