It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
