I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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