So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
When did angry sex become our thing?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
