your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Why did my mother make you get naked?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
