Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
